The Origin Story
(aka - about me)

Around 2015 I went through my first Saturn Return. It was my spiritual awakening. Actually, it was more like ants in your pants, worms up your leg, heat in the belly, smog in the brain sort of physical, emotional, and spiritual awakening.

I was finally forced to deal with the emotional implications of moving to a new country at the age of 8, marrying young, having children early, working a soul draining job, and basically having no clue who I actually was. I felt misunderstood, confused, and totally lost. I was self medicating with alcohol, lashing out (think - chopping my hair off and bleaching it), crying more than ever before, and quite frankly - scaring the shit out of the people around me (weighing in at 107lbs). Most days, I didn’t even want to wake up. The energy it took for me to deal with myself every single day was unbearable. And I still had 2 young children to care for, a husband, and a job to show up for.

I had lived my entire life for everyone else.

I was very much asleep to how I was constantly lying to myself about my desires, lying to everyone around me about what I wanted and who I was. You know that little duck that runs around asking everyone “are you my mom”? I was running around asking everyone “who am I”? Not because I didn’t know, but because I didn’t know HOW to tap into that energy that laid dormant within my previously abandoned soul.

What I didn’t know was that I was living in survival mode.

That the part of the brain that is responsible for self awareness and our identity had shut down to deal with my body’s chronic freeze response.

I didn’t understand that yet but I knew I wanted something different. I wanted a clear identity. I wanted a purpose for being alive. I wanted a lust for life. I wanted to be someone and something that wouldn’t compromise my truth. I wanted to love myself for all of my flaws, no matter what.

And I wanted others to love me for it too.

I climbed out of those dark times slowly, in ebbs and flows. I began to establish a relationship with myself. I took the courses and hired the coaches. I went to many therapists and read 462,985 books. I thought my self love game was on fiyah. I was sitting in the baths, going to reiki, meditating, doing the yoga, and drinking the Kool-Aid!

⟿WTF?! How was I still broken and my life STILL not “fixed”?⇜

But that’s how it works … you don’t just wake up one day HEALED. You wake up one day understanding just a little bit more about who you are and why you do what you do. You wake up with a little bit more compassion and acceptance and self love. You wake up one day more aware of yourself and those around you. I woke up with the realization that all of those things that work for others may not work for me. That perhaps it was my job to create something new, something different.

Fast forward, a few years, I was now divorced in the middle of a pandemic. But I was me. For the first time in a long time I actually felt like myself. And because of this comfort and relaxation of my nervous system I was able to unlock more layers of my healing and my work.

It was Halloween of 2020 and my son picked a COVID inspired hazmat suit with a gas mask and all. We brought it home and he tried it on. To my shock, the fake gas mask he put on triggered me in so many ways. I began to sweat from every orifice, my heart started beating faster, and my breathing became shallow and quick. I was having a physical trauma response to the gas mask. My body vividly remembered something that I barely thought about anymore. I used breath-work to find my calm and center again. But I still refused to let him wear that stupid mask. This is a dramatic, albeit true, example of how our trauma responses can manifest. This experience led me to dive even deeper into the world of trauma, the brain, and the nervous system.

It was about a year later that I started combining my newfound knowledge on trauma and my own personal healing work with my love for Human Design. At that point I had been studying Human Design for about 4 years and was playing around with it pretty regularly. I can’t remember exactly how I stumbled upon the connection between trauma and Human Design, but I know that when I did, fireworks went off in my head.

I began to teach it and share it and offer shadow readings. When people started getting incredible results and fast tracking their healing, awareness, acceptance, and self love … I knew this was potent. Another year later I was hired by Phoebe Kuhn to teach her students about shadow work and the nuances that I had observed for myself and others in the Human Design chart.

The rest? Well it’s obviously still unfolding. There’s more books and more courses and more worksheets and more posts and more readings and more discoveries to be made. As a 1 / 3 man gen who is highly individual, I literally will never stop.

So that’s fun.